Clinton Jokes

I couldn't resist, they are so easy to make fun of . I got the jokes off the internet. There are more Bill and Hillary jokes then I thought there would be.
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Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
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Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?

A. The nation.
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Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms. At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks,

"Nice pigs, Mr. President"

Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razor Back Hogs.

I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary. So, now what do you think?"

The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."


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Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Al Gore have all just died in an airplane accident. At the pearly gates of heaven, God is sitting on his throne and asks Bill Clinton and Al Gore who they are and why they deserve to be let in. Bill and Al give their names, recite their records and are let in. God then asks Hillary who she is and why she deserves to enter heaven. "My name is Hillary Rodham Clinton," she says quickly, "and I believe, sir, that you're sitting in my chair."


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Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't.
The aged cow was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow.
She stayed in the car making phone calls.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.
He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."


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Hillary and a Cowboy

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat.


Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him.

"You know," she says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger.

So, let's talk."

The cowboy looks at her wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be all right, m'am. What'd ya like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says Hillary with a slight hint of sarcasm.

"How about Iraq?"

"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing an attempt to perhaps belittle him, "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: Horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

Dumbfounded, Senator Clinton replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me, then," says the cowboy with a smile. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss Iraq when you don't know sh-t?